Decisions, Decisions

I'm sure we have all had to have this conversation at some point in our lives with one of our friends who doesn't know what to do about their relationship

Friend: Girl he doesn’t appreciate me. He doesn’t realize everything I do for him.

Girl: Why don’t you leave him

Friend: I feel like I’m in the relationship by myself. He doesn’t pay attention to any of my needs

Girl: Again, Why don’t you leave him

Friend: I don’t know, I love him but I’m tired of dealing with all of his bullshit. He puts me through so much

I’m the type of person that has a hard time hiding my facial expressions (as most of my friends know) so I usually have a puzzled look on my face. It isn’t the conversation that puzzles me but it’s that last sentence in the conversation; I love him but I’m tired of dealing with all of his bullshit. He puts me through so much. Today I was sitting at work and one of my coworkers was just pouring her heart out to all of her colleagues. She’s been with her boyfriend/fiance (depending on what day of the week it is) for about 5 years and within that time span he’s had multiple affairs, one which resulted with a child.  She went on and on about how she is such a good woman and she doesn’t understand why he puts her through all he does. When another coworker asks why she continues to stay in the relationship, the girl responds by saying, I don’t know, I love him but I’m tired of dealing with all of his bullshit. He puts me through so much. Now while I hate to see anyone depressed, I can’t help but feel that she is part of the problem. Now I am in no means condoning her man’s behavior but there’s an old adage that says, Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me. As much as I love my friends, I get tired of hearing the same excuses. Last time I checked, after you turn 18, no one forces you to do anything that you don’t want to do. The reason that your partner puts you through their bullshit is because you ALLOW it. No one can do anything to you that you don’t give them power to do. For example; If my boyfriend takes me to a restaurant and tells me that I can buy anything that I want without worrying about the cost, best believe I’m going to order the most expensive thing on the menu (sorry bae). Why? Because I can. If he continues that pattern at every restaurant that we go to, the end result will be the same thing. I’m going to order the most expensive thing on the menu because I can. Relating that back to relationships, If your partner messes up the first time and there is no consequences for that behavior, they are going to keep doing it over and over again because they can. Just because you go around crying and complaining doesn’t mean that they are going to change. What’s the point in changing if the end result is going to be the same? If you’re in this predicament, in my eyes, you have two options:

• Leave
• Stay

It’s really not that hard of a concept to grasp. You either leave them or you continue to put up with them.  Actions speak louder than words. Declarations without actions are pointless and begin to sound like broken records. When you are truly over someone and their foolishness, there is nothing that they will be able to say or do to make it better. If you are that unsure, then you’re not ready to leave. It won’t matter what anybody says because you’re still going to find an excuse to stay. You have to live with your decision whatever it may be but just remember that whatever it is, bring some tissue…you’re going to need it.

The True Definition of a Hustler

It’s a very random topic that I have been forced to address. I was having a conversation with a person in one of my classes, and they told me that I didn’t have what it takes to be a hustler. I was baffled by this statement because obviously they don’t know where I came from. I’m sorry but just because you slinging dope and corrupting our neighborhoods doesn't make you a hustler, it makes you a disease. Anybody can be a disease. Just because you bump Lil Wayne, Webbie, Boosie and Gucci Mane in your car doesn’t make you a hustler. In fact, if you never lived in that life, you’re a poser. Being a hustler means that you have the knowledge and understanding that your life is not your own. That you have a greater purpose in life than to become a dope boy. In order to be a true hustler, you have to challenge yourself and overcome any obstacles that come your way. Being a hustler means that you are willing to get up every day to better your future and the future of those around you. It means kissing your child in the morning as you go to work cleaning bathrooms in order to put food on the table. It means having the heart to deal with the triumphs and heartaches that come with obtaining an education. A real hustler cries their selves to sleep at night because a teacher told them that they weren’t good enough to be in school and then still shows up the next day in class. A real hustler keeps moving forward when it seems their back is against the wall. A real hustler follows their dreams even when their own family doubts them. You want to know what a hustler looks like. Look at all the single mothers and fathers who work multiple jobs because they refuse to be on welfare. Look at that college student that’s working 2 part-time jobs in order to stay in school. Check out that president of ours, who keeps his cool even when Congress is threatening to block everything that he’s trying to accomplish. That’s a hustler. My family’s full of them. My older sister kept perservering even when she was met with opposition. I’m a hustler because my mother laid down the foundation and I’m laying down the groundwork so that my brother and sister’s path in life can be easier. I constantly surround myself with people that have that hustler’s mentality. I have a church member who moved to Gonzales and started a mime team to keep some young men off the streets. I have a boyfriend and friends who are willing to lay down their lives to protect this parish, this state and this country. Those are hustlers. I have class members who refused to have the “thugh life” mentality and chase higher dreams. Friends who are willing to go to law school to challenge the inequalities within our society. Associates who are deciding that they are opening up their own small business. These people are true definitions of a hustler. If you’re swimming in mud than that’s the only thing that you’re going to see. Do yourself a favor and raise your standards and expectations of yourself and those you surround yourself with. Learn the value of hardwork and dedication before you start to judge anybody’s situation. Until you do, you’re not a hustler, you’re just a statistic.

Baby Momma v. Wife

I am in no way judging anybody’s particular situation but when did it become okay for women to settle as the baby momma? I was sitting in class yesterday, and one young lady that she had no intention on marrying her boyfriend of 12 years. Keep in mind that she has 8 children with this man but she was perfectly content with just being his baby momma. To me this is sad. There is no way in hell that I am going to lay down and get pregnant with a man and have no intentions towards marriage. Now I understand if the relationship is already in the direction towards marriage and the pregnancy is an accident, that’s acceptable. But to just have children with a man because he’s spitting some game in your ear is stupidity at its finest. If you think that I’m talking about you, chances are I am. I really just don’t understand why people are so afraid to get married. If you’re living with a man, laying up and having his kids, then you’re doing everything that’s expected of a wife WITHOUT the title or the assets. That, my friend, is being stupid. I refuse to be just a baby momma without having a ring on my left finger and his last name. That ring symbolizes that he has chosen me to be his forever, the one that he can’t live without, the one he wants to come home to, etc. Just because you are his baby momma does not mean that you are his wife.  I’m sorry but those two terms are not the same thing. If you are still reading this and you are getting offended by what I'm saying, then take my advice: STOP SETTLING! It's not that hard. Have more expectations in yourself and the relationships that you decide to develop. A man will only go as far as you allow him to go. If you're not placing any standards on yourself and your relationship, what makes you think that a man will? You're not in control of your destiny but you are in control of who you decide to keep in your life.