Decisions, Decisions

I'm sure we have all had to have this conversation at some point in our lives with one of our friends who doesn't know what to do about their relationship

Friend: Girl he doesn’t appreciate me. He doesn’t realize everything I do for him.

Girl: Why don’t you leave him

Friend: I feel like I’m in the relationship by myself. He doesn’t pay attention to any of my needs

Girl: Again, Why don’t you leave him

Friend: I don’t know, I love him but I’m tired of dealing with all of his bullshit. He puts me through so much

I’m the type of person that has a hard time hiding my facial expressions (as most of my friends know) so I usually have a puzzled look on my face. It isn’t the conversation that puzzles me but it’s that last sentence in the conversation; I love him but I’m tired of dealing with all of his bullshit. He puts me through so much. Today I was sitting at work and one of my coworkers was just pouring her heart out to all of her colleagues. She’s been with her boyfriend/fiance (depending on what day of the week it is) for about 5 years and within that time span he’s had multiple affairs, one which resulted with a child.  She went on and on about how she is such a good woman and she doesn’t understand why he puts her through all he does. When another coworker asks why she continues to stay in the relationship, the girl responds by saying, I don’t know, I love him but I’m tired of dealing with all of his bullshit. He puts me through so much. Now while I hate to see anyone depressed, I can’t help but feel that she is part of the problem. Now I am in no means condoning her man’s behavior but there’s an old adage that says, Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me. As much as I love my friends, I get tired of hearing the same excuses. Last time I checked, after you turn 18, no one forces you to do anything that you don’t want to do. The reason that your partner puts you through their bullshit is because you ALLOW it. No one can do anything to you that you don’t give them power to do. For example; If my boyfriend takes me to a restaurant and tells me that I can buy anything that I want without worrying about the cost, best believe I’m going to order the most expensive thing on the menu (sorry bae). Why? Because I can. If he continues that pattern at every restaurant that we go to, the end result will be the same thing. I’m going to order the most expensive thing on the menu because I can. Relating that back to relationships, If your partner messes up the first time and there is no consequences for that behavior, they are going to keep doing it over and over again because they can. Just because you go around crying and complaining doesn’t mean that they are going to change. What’s the point in changing if the end result is going to be the same? If you’re in this predicament, in my eyes, you have two options:

• Leave
• Stay

It’s really not that hard of a concept to grasp. You either leave them or you continue to put up with them.  Actions speak louder than words. Declarations without actions are pointless and begin to sound like broken records. When you are truly over someone and their foolishness, there is nothing that they will be able to say or do to make it better. If you are that unsure, then you’re not ready to leave. It won’t matter what anybody says because you’re still going to find an excuse to stay. You have to live with your decision whatever it may be but just remember that whatever it is, bring some tissue…you’re going to need it.